Alien and Dougie are invited to a party with the Dust Piggies. There seems to be a slight misunderstanding of the theme after a pair of social media monsters threaten our new little friends with their toxic extortion algorithms.
Dust Piggies is the filthy bastard brainchild of Mike Bromage. These nasty and sometimes sweet little hamsters have been up to no good for the last seven years. I’ve only discovered how much I enjoy them over the last year. Why not check them out before they’re gone?
Dougie: I better explain the movie. Humans seem to be “jumping” into deep space. It’s never explained how, but a “folded space” theory would be most likely. After an East Coast facility is lethally sterilized due to an unexpected outbreak, another facility initiates a rescue mission. The group has a secondary task to stop a shipment of infected materials as well. Not long after they get there everyone is infected by an alien parasite. Then they go crazy.
Dougie: Does that about cover it, Alien?
Alien: Um, yeah, sure. You know, Dougie, a joke’s not funny if it has to be explained.
Dougie: I don’t think the director meant for this movie to be a comedy.
Alien: Really? Because those people were crazy funny.
Dougie: Didn’t you ever encounter a parasitic organism that altered perceptions and behavior during your travels.
Alien: Of course. We called them drugs. Or Cousin Drix. He’d make me so angry and –
Dougie: Anyways… I thought the movie’s concept was pretty cool. An alien species that embodies intelligent evolution.
Alien: I thought it was about people on drugs trying to kill each other. A sort of Thunderdome in space.
Dougie: See, I think that’s where the audience gets lost. Too much shocking violence and not enough science. It seemed obvious these aliens had an intelligent design behind their actions.
Alien: Obvious to you, frickin’ smarty pants.
Dougie: But their motives weren’t properly explained. Were they infecting people for invasion, expansion, or observation purposes? Was it a matter of benign or malevolent survival?
Alien: I think you’re reading too much into this movie.
Dougie: You think so?
Alien: Yeah. It’s good old whack-a-mole fun. That’s an early human arcade game. You’re suppose to use a hammer and hit-
Dougie: I know what it is, Alien.
Alien: Okay. You don’t have to use that tone with me, Dougie.
Alien: Sure. I’m going to rate this thing and find a mole to whack.
Alien: !!!Dougie: !!
Alien: Don’t look at me like that. I like movies where humans hit each other.
Dougie: It’s a kid movie. They’re suppose to be entertaining for children.
Alien: So they sacrifice the alien character? Seriously, name one smart alien in a kids’ movie. They are always cute and stupid. Yet, somehow they can fly across galaxies.
Dougie: You’re ranting. You’re right, but you’re ranting.
Alien: It has a nice soundtrack.
Dougie: With both Rihanna and Jennifer Lopez in it, it would be stupid if it didn’t.
Alien: I like the bad guy. He’s completely misunderstood.
Dougie: Of course you like the bad guy. He’s going to destroy the world if he doesn’t get what he wants.
Alien: Can you blame him? Wouldn’t you do the same if someone took your–
Dougie: You’re going to give away the end. No spoilers! As little as possible at least.
Alien: I was going to say “rock”. Does it really matter though? Kids will talk through it the first ten times. At least if I give away the end the parents will know what happened.
Dougie: Did you like the movie?
Alien: You mean, Facebook “Like”? Meh. It was okay. I’d watch it again, but that’s only because I’m a fan of that socially inept guy from The Big Bang Theory.
Dougie: Jim Parsons?
Alien: No, John Galecki.
Dougie: He’s not in this movie. I think for a kiddie movie it’s less annoying than the usual tripe put out by Hollywood for the 5-12 year old range.
Alien: There wasn’t a single dirty joke for parents either.
Dougie: Actually, that’s one of the things I appreciate about this movie. Enough with the innuendo in kids’ movies, Tinseltown! Parents don’t want that awkward moment when their kid asks them to explain why they’re laughing at a joke the kid is too young to understand.
Alien: You’d put this movie on for your kids?
Dougie: I don’t have any–
Alien: That you know of. *Evil smile*
Dougie:*Concerned eyebrow raised* But yes, I would, if I had kids. What about you?
Alien: I can’t have kids. We’ve been over this — I’m male!