SPECIES (1995) Rated R

SPECIES (1995)

Rated: R

IMDB: Click Here

Dougie: Taking unknown alien DNA and growing out of it sounds like a bad idea to me.

Alien: I don’t know about that. The results looked good to me.

Dougie: You like any movie with naked women in it.

Alien: Especially alien women.

Dougie: Pervert.

Alien: I didn’t see you fast forward past the naughty bits.

Dougie: The whole premise seemed kind of sexist to me.

Alien: You mean sexy.

Dougie: Sexist. An alien woman whose only mission in life is to breed with any ugly guy willing to give it up on the first date.

Alien: So, any human male, basically.

Dougie: Yeah. And apparently she can produce a ton of offspring. I’ve never met a single woman willing to give birth that many times.

Alien: What about Octomom?

Dougie: That would have been a good name for this movie.

Alien: It wasn’t all bad. There was boobies and that actor you like, the one with the broken eye.

Dougie: Forest Whitaker.

Alien: Yep, the “psychic”. I wonder if he “saw” himself having such a successful career after this movie?

Dougie: I doubt it. Speaking of careers. Can you believe they knighted Ben Kingsley after this was released?

Alien: Maybe the Queen likes boobies.

Dougie: I don’t think that’s it. She could be a fan of H.R. Giger, like me.

Alien: The artist who designed the bugs from the Alien movies?

Dougie: That’s the one.

Alien: I think H.R. Giger likes boobies too.

Dougie: One track mind. Let’s rate this boobie.

Alien: You mean, movie.


Alien: !!!!    Dougie: !!

INFINI (2015) Rated R

Alien&DougieGTTMovies_Profile_AlienINFINI (2015)

Rated: R

IMDB: Click Here

Alien: Are these people on drugs?

Dougie: They’re infected.

Alien: With drugs?

Dougie: I better explain the movie. Humans seem to be “jumping” into deep space. It’s never explained how, but a “folded space” theory would be most likely. After an East Coast facility is lethally sterilized due to an unexpected outbreak, another facility initiates a rescue mission. The group has a secondary task to stop a shipment of infected materials as well. Not long after they get there everyone is infected by an alien parasite. Then they go crazy.

Alien: *Snoring*

Dougie: Does that about cover it, Alien?

Alien: Um, yeah, sure. You know, Dougie, a joke’s not funny if it has to be explained.

Dougie: I don’t think the director meant for this movie to be a comedy.

Alien: Really? Because those people were crazy funny.

Dougie: Didn’t you ever encounter a parasitic organism that altered perceptions and behavior during your travels.

Alien: Of course. We called them drugs. Or Cousin Drix. He’d make me so angry and –

Dougie: Anyways… I thought the movie’s concept was pretty cool. An alien species that embodies intelligent evolution.

Alien: I thought it was about people on drugs trying to kill each other. A sort of Thunderdome in space.

Dougie: See, I think that’s where the audience gets lost. Too much shocking violence and not enough science. It seemed obvious these aliens had an intelligent design behind their actions.

Alien: Obvious to you, frickin’ smarty pants.

Dougie: But their motives weren’t properly explained. Were they infecting people for invasion, expansion, or observation purposes? Was it a matter of benign or malevolent survival?

Alien: I think you’re reading too much into this movie.

Dougie: You think so?

Alien: Yeah. It’s good old whack-a-mole fun. That’s an early human arcade game. You’re suppose to use a hammer and hit-

Dougie: I know what it is, Alien.

Alien: Okay. You don’t have to use that tone with me, Dougie.

Dougie: Sorry.

Alien: Sure. I’m going to rate this thing and find a mole to whack.

Alien: !!!     Dougie: !!

Alien: Don’t look at me like that. I like movies where humans hit each other.

Free #TheAlienComic Lockscreen (G)


Now you can enjoy the antics of Alien & Dougie every time you turn on your phone, with this free cellphone lockscreen pic!

Loading it onto your phone is easy.

    1. Hold down on the above image, and tap save image
    2. Go into Albums and tap the image.
    3. Click “save as lock screen”
    4. Enjoy your new lock screen and be sure to show your friends — so you can share a laugh together. Probing jokes are funny. Well, we think they’re funny. We have this exact image as our lock screen.


Home (2015) Rated PG


Home (2015)

Rated: PG

IMDB Click Here

Alien: These purple blobs are idiots.

Dougie: It’s a kid movie. They’re suppose to be entertaining for children.

Alien: So they sacrifice the alien character? Seriously, name one smart alien in a kids’ movie. They are always cute and stupid. Yet, somehow they can fly across galaxies.

Dougie: You’re ranting. You’re right, but you’re ranting.

Alien: It has a nice soundtrack.

Dougie: With both Rihanna and Jennifer Lopez in it, it would be stupid if it didn’t.

Alien: I like the bad guy. He’s completely misunderstood.

Dougie: Of course you like the bad guy. He’s going to destroy the world if he doesn’t get what he wants.

Alien: Can you blame him? Wouldn’t you do the same if someone took your–

Dougie: You’re going to give away the end. No spoilers! As little as possible at least.

Alien: I was going to say “rock”. Does it really matter though? Kids will talk through it the first ten times. At least if I give away the end the parents will know what happened.

Dougie: Did you like the movie?

Alien: You mean, Facebook “Like”? Meh. It was okay. I’d watch it again, but that’s only because I’m a fan of that socially inept guy from The Big Bang Theory.

Dougie: Jim Parsons?

Alien: No, John Galecki.

Dougie: He’s not in this movie. I think for a kiddie movie it’s less annoying than the usual tripe put out by Hollywood for the 5-12 year old range.

Alien: There wasn’t a single dirty joke for parents either.

Dougie: Actually, that’s one of the things I appreciate about this movie. Enough with the innuendo in kids’ movies, Tinseltown! Parents don’t want that awkward moment when their kid asks them to explain why they’re laughing at a joke the kid is too young to understand.

Alien: You’d put this movie on for your kids?

Dougie: I don’t have any–

Alien: That you know of. *Evil smile*

Dougie: *Concerned eyebrow raised* But yes, I would, if I had kids. What about you?

Alien: I can’t have kids. We’ve been over this — I’m male!

Dougie: So am I.

Alien: Really? But you have such a purty mouth.

Dougie: *Shakes head* Time for ratings, Alien.

Alien: !!!        Dougie: !!!!

ALIEN (1979) PG-13


ALIEN (1979) IMDB Click Here

Alien: Sigourney Weaver is hot!

Dougie: We’re talking about the movie, ALIEN, Alien.

Alien: Well, she’s in it.

Dougie: *Rolls eyes behind sunglasses*

Alien: You tricked me. You’re lucky those aliens are so cool.

Dougie: How did I trick you? And yes, they are the coolest aliens ever.

Alien: I take offense to that. You told me the movie was called, ALIEN. I naturally thought it was an unauthorized biography.

Dougie: That’s ridiculous! Nobody admits you exist. It’s about a ship in space responding to a distress call from an unknown vessel. They then get infected and invaded by a hostile alien species.

Alien: I know that now. I watched the movie with you.

Dougie: But maybe they don’t know.

Alien: Who’s “they”?

Dougie: The people reading this review.

Alien: Then maybe they don’t know Sigourney Weaver is hot.

Dougie: Okay, I’ll give you that. Did you like the movie even if it wasn’t about you?

Alien: No one said it wasn’t about me. But yes, I liked it. Those spider things are cute. I almost thought it was a kids’ movie until the whole acid reflux scene.

Dougie: They’re called Face-Huggers.

Alien: Exactly. They hug a lot in kids’ movies.

Dougie: Moving on. As an artist myself, I thought the H.R. Giger inspired alien designs were the best part of the film.

Alien: Is he the human who invented the radiation counter?

Dougie: No, that’s another guy.

Alien: The guy who invented those things on my planet was called Quack.

Dougie: The Quack Meter?

Alien: Yep, at lethal levels of radiation people start to Quack up.

Dougie: Really bad joke, Alien. And it has nothing to do with this movie. Hopefully, we stay on subject when we review the sequels.

Alien: There’s sequels?

Dougie: Let’s rate it!

Alien: !!!!    Dougie: !!!!

Dougie: Wow. We actually agree on something.